I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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