how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
