I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
