It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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