I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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