I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
