Midget sex pt 2 tonight
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
