We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We left an ass print on the piano.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
