Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
