saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
