The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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