He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
