go do what you do best...puke behind churches
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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