Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
