the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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