worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
