Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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