Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
