i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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