The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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