Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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