I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
