found the other keg... it's in the tree
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
