dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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