She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
