Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Please, let me fuck your mom
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize