My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
