OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
