I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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