I cannot find my penis.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
