And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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