Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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