Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize
