That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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