last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
