And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
