The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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