dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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