i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's just like the Real World with babies
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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