just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
