i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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