Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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