How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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