I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
