just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Houston, we have a squirter
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
