Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
