Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.

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(347): View more from New York

Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me

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(336): View more from North Carolina

You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch

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(519): View more from Ontario

Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?

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(360): View more from Washington

So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.

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(716): View more from New York

it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up

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(254): View more from Texas

You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.

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