im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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