I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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