Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
