i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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