Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
