did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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