hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
