You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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