I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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