We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize