I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
