Kiss
Puke
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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