her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
