We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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