ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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