if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
