i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Randomize