that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
