Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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