Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
