Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
