OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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