Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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