Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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