i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
